You are leading a team, and being a team member, and wondering why it can be so hard at times.
One of the most challenging leadership roles I ever had wasn’t paid, it was voluntary.
I joined my sons’ School Council. This is a committee responsible for school policy in Victoria. A mix of parents and teachers. A parent-elected Chair.
What I didn’t know at the time was that this was one of the most inefficient school councils in the State.
We had a couple of parents who were there to push their own agenda, often at the school's detriment. Then, early in my tenure, a new principal arrived, who was someone I admired immediately and knew I would enjoy working with but her values clashed spectacularly with the existing Chair.
So that Chair resigned, and I was elected.
Lucky me.
Except I didn’t feel lucky. I felt completely out of my depth. Every meeting, I felt sick to my stomach, bracing for the next surprise attack from the more difficult parents. I wanted to “fix” the committee but I had no idea how to.
What I did have was intuition that was a quiet whisper saying: ‘There’s potential here. Don’t walk away from this. Lean in.’
So instead of trying to control everything (which, let’s be honest, was my first instinct and how the Council had previously been run), I focused on relationships. I had the difficult conversations. I listened to the people who intimidated me the most. This was one of the hardest things to do, and yet ultimately the most worthwhile.
Because, you know what? Sometimes they had something worth hearing, and they had some pretty good ideas. Huh!
With me behaving differently, others started behaving differently, too. And when they realised that I was listening to them, and hearing what they said, they started to change. They started listening to others on the Council, rather than always trying to talk over them.
The old way of doing things wasn’t working, but curiosity, flexibility, and staying present, even when it was uncomfortable, were all working.
There was one parent in particular who intimidated me. Much taller, broader, and physically imposing. They would tower over me in the school grounds while launching into a complaint. Everything in me wanted to run, draw back and shrink away from them.
But I didn’t. I matched their energy, stayed grounded, and focused on understanding what mattered to them. I stretched into behavioural flexibility I didn’t know I had. This meant I could shift my behaviour to match what the situation and the people around me genuinely needed. I chose my response, rather than reacting, so I could communicate with clarity, calmness and clear intention.
No, we were never going to be best friends. (In fact, if I saw them now, I’d probably cross the road.) But as Chair, I could hold a courteous, functional, even respectful working relationship. And that shifted everything.
Over time, the atmosphere shifted, which meant meetings became calmer, more constructive and people relaxed. The Council began to work as a team.
At the end of that school year, the same “difficult” parent approached me and said: “You chaired really well this year. We achieved a lot as a council. Thank you.”
And we had.
Leadership rarely stretches us in the places where we feel strong. It stretches us in the places we feel inadequate, intimidated, overwhelmed, or unprepared.
And when that happens, you have two choices: Contract into fear. Or lean into your intuition.
People don’t need you to be perfect; they need you to be present, to stay curious, to listen beyond the noise, to hold your centre when someone else loses theirs. As a leader, you create the space where people can behave better simply because you are.
If you’ve ever felt out of your depth, remember: Leadership isn’t about having all the answers, it’s about who you’re willing to become while you find them.
If you want help building the kind of behavioural flexibility that transforms difficult dynamics into productive ones, that’s what I teach every day.
And you don’t need a school council to learn it, just the willingness to lead a little differently.
If you’re feeling stuck or frustrated with your team and wondering how to lead with more impact, you’re not alone. Sometimes, it’s about knowing where to shift just a little to create a big difference. Take a few minutes to complete the Exceptional Teams Scorecard, it’s a quick self-check to see where things are working well and where there might be room to grow.
Maree