What if the thing keeping you stuck isn't what you think it is?

I was thinking recently about the mistakes we make when we're feeling stuck. And I don't mean the obvious mistakes, I mean the quieter ones. Those ones happening inside our head that we don't even realise we're making. Because when something isn't working in our life, our first response is often to think:

I need to be more:

... confident.

... resilient.

... organised.

... motivated.

... disciplined.

Or maybe it's those thoughts where 'I need to try harder'.

But what if you don't need to become more? What if you need to look at what you're already believing?

I've noticed four mistakes we can make in our thinking.

Mistake 1: Mistaken Identity

This is when something happens, and we turn it into a statement about who we are.

Maybe you don't speak up in the meeting, and the meaning you make is "I'm not confident enough."

Maybe you look at a role you'd love to apply for, and you don't because the meaning you make is "I'm not experienced enough."

And then if someone else gets promoted, the meaning you make is "Maybe I'm just not leadership material."

Or you struggle with something you once found easy, and the meaning you make is "I'm not as capable as I used to be."

As you read those meanings, did you notice what happened? A moment became an identity. Instead of saying, "I didn't speak up in that meeting," we say, "I'm not confident." Those are two very different things: one describes something that happened, the other starts defining who you believe you are.

Mistake 2. Mistaken Meaning

Then there's the meaning we give things. When you make a mistake, you add your meaning and think: "I'm failing."

Your boss challenges your idea. You add your meaning: "She doesn't think I'm capable."

You forget someone's name. You think: "My memory is terrible. I'm losing it."

You don't get the job. You think: "See? I knew I wasn't good enough."

The event happened, but we added the meaning, and we rarely stop to ask: What else could this mean?

Like: perhaps your boss challenged your idea because she's interested in it. Or perhaps you didn't get the role because someone else was simply a better fit. And perhaps forgetting someone's name means... you forgot someone's name. Not everything needs to become evidence against you.

Mistake 3. Mistaken Rules

These might be my favourite because they're sneaky little things. They're the invisible rules we've picked up over a lifetime.

"I should be able to cope."

"I shouldn't let people down."

"I need to have the answer."

"Good women don't make a fuss."

"I should be grateful."

"I shouldn't need help."

"If I work hard, someone will notice."

And perhaps the big one: "I should be able to do all of this."

And yet, says who?

Some of these rules may have helped you enormously in the past. Working hard, being dependable and helping others may have helped you build a wonderful career and life, but a rule that served you when you were 20 or 25 doesn't automatically deserve a lifetime membership.

We are allowed to question them.

Mistake 4. Mistaken Lens

Finally, there's the lens through which we're looking at the situation.

"There's nothing I can do."

"It's too late for me."

"That's just how things are here."

"I'm too old to start again."

"I've always been like this."

When we believe there's only one way to see something, we also believe there's only one way to respond, and that's where we get stuck, because change doesn't always begin by changing the situation. Sometimes it begins by asking: What am I not seeing yet?

That's the question that can start your perspective shifting. It's seeing the same situation and using a different lens, adding a different meaning, identifying different choices, considering different possibilities.

Because perhaps that's the real mistake so many of us make: we keep trying to change our behaviour without questioning the thinking that's creating it. So we try harder, work harder, try to learn more, push through, to become more. When perhaps the better question is:

What am I believing about myself, this situation, or what I "should" do that I've never stopped to question?

Because you may not need fixing; you may simply need another perspective.

If you would like to explore your perspective, check out my Perspective Shifting Podcast - free and available right now on YouTube and Apple Podcasts.

Or sign up for the Private Inner Alignment Podcast.

Because sometimes one small shift in perspective opens a door you couldn't even see before.